D (Decision)-day Love Letter, A re-post

The timing is perfect to re-post this love note – it’s still applicable…

Today is Valentine’s Day and it also happens to be D-(decision) day for parents to show some love by accepting a coveted seat offered by an independent school.

The admissions process is a heart-wrenching one no matter the outcome. So, our multicultural advisor, Elizabeth is sending an admissions love note for ALL who applied for 2014-15…The Waiting Game w/LOVE

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The Waiting Game
Elizabeth Perez Azerad
RIISE Multicultural Advisor

Because this topic is so emotionally charged, I’m coming to you with the aid of music and I’m listing my bullet points at the beginning.  If you don’t believe these points, download the songs, kick back and read on.

  • Everyone has disappointment at some point in the process. Take a deep breath and keep your cool. “Darn That Dream” Billy Holiday
  • Sometimes things happen for a reason, you just can’t see it yet. “Unanswered Prayers” Garth Brooks
  • While you wait, keep busy with life. “Distractions” Jimmy Eat World
  • I promise, “Every Little Thing Gonna Be Alright” Bob Marley

 

“Darn That Dream”

Just in case you don’t believe that I’m qualified to speak about the emotional, gut-wrenching topic that is the Waiting Game of admissions let me tell you a quick story.  Two years back to back both of our daughters were rejected after being deferred from the university where my husband and I have double legacy.  After years of preparation, thinking that we had our bases covered, it was painful to realize that we had come up short.  We aren’t going to dwell on that pain, friends.  What I want you to know about the pain is that EVERYONE experiences it at some point in time.  I am here to tell you that your mental and physical health, and that of your children, depends on you taking the long view.  I’ve seen kids rejected from the  ‘top’ high schools who later go on to surpass their peers at the university level.  I know that it’s painful and annoying to hear this now, but your child really will be in the right place for them at this moment in time.  It’s our goal as parents to maximize that experience. More on this point later.

“Unanswered Prayers”

Sometimes a rejection is a Golden Ticket to something far more valuable.  It’s our job as parents to figure that out.  Indulge me once again.  Our eldest son was rejected from a school his sisters were attending, on the basis that his ERB scores were just too low.  How easy would it have been to mope and cry over that? Admittedly I did, but as soon as I was done, this rejection put a bee in my bonnet to figure out why his scores were so low.  I could have easily told myself that he was only having a bad day, as 4 year olds are apt to do.  No, I spent close to 8 months researching learning disabilities, talking to friends, teachers, even turning to Facebook! What we discovered, less that a year later, was that he had dyslexia.  Thank God for unanswered prayers!  With a quick and early diagnosis, he gained admittance to a top school specializing in language processing issues.  I don’t even want to imagine the disaster and loss of time it would have been if he had been admitted to the school of our choice.  Trust me, the process works the way it does for a reason; it just may not be obvious at the time.

 Interlude

Time to take a deep breath and trust me when I say that it really isn’t ALL negative. Many of you may have gotten that glorious acceptance already and I’m here to congratulate you and say ‘celebrate your moment!’  But please do it with a little humility because there are many of us in the community who are waiting, wait-listed or rejected.  Ultimate to every individual goal reached, we are a community and need to be here for each other in an authentic way.  Let’s not gloat or begrudge each other.  Enough said. 

“Distractions”

As I sit writing this, I am awaiting decisions from four schools for the super competitive PreK admissions. I have learned my lesson from the past and hope that you will follow my advice to create some distraction for yourself and your family.  Whether you are waiting for the decision or the status of your wait-list spot, be kind to yourselves and your entire household and focus on bringing some joy and diversion into your lives.  Make the Waiting Game into a celebration that you have completed the hardest part of the process: the applications, visits and interviews.  This is the easy part; it’s out of your hands.  Sit back and relax because whatever the decision, you need to be at your best to take the next step once the final notices are in.  Here is a short list of my distractions: knitting, reading, my dogs, connecting with old friends.

“Every Little Thing Gonna Be Alright”

This is the point in time when I reassure you that whatever the outcome, “Every Little Thing Gonna Be Alright”.  If the outcome exceeds your dreams, celebrate, research and dig deep while helping your child make the tough decision into an easy one that best suits him or her.  If however, you sit with only rejections, take comfort that YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I have heard of instances where parents overstate their acceptances to save face.  Even people who have an acceptance may not admit that it was their last choice.  We are all, in both little and big way, pained by this process.  It’s up to us as individuals to decide that this pain is NOT going to define who our child is or cast a negative energy over our households.

Finale

If you’ve read to the bottom I can assure you that you are a devoted parent and will stop at nothing to get the best experience for you child. Here are some things to focus on.

 

  • As a committed and devoted parent, YOU are the most important influence in your child’s life.  No matter which school they attend, you really have the potential to make them into the best person they can be.  Dig Deep!
  • Seek opportunities to enrich your child outside of academic environments. This boosts their interests, strengthens what’s taught in school and brings the family closer together.
  • Help your child develop his or her own interests and passions.  This will give then a personal voice and confidence that will carry them forward in all areas of life.
  • Take a few weeks off and begin to regroup for next year’s admissions process.  Don’t forget about that affinity network that I referenced in my first blog.  Do your research, look at your child with fresh eyes and cast a wide net.  Some of the greatest rewards come from looking at places that we may not have considered before.
  • Trust in yourself and your child.
  • Peace

 

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