Sitting In Tension - Today's Black Independent School Parent
photo credit: @rivspeaksout highlight
Most mornings, I wake up anxious and hyper-focused on all that we are going through and all that we need to do. Black folks have been significantly harmed by both racial violence (400+ years) & COVID19 (last 90 days), and most are running on empty. As both diseases collide, I am thankful for my close networks, health, and the next generation for refueling renewed hope and a spirit of revolution.
Over the past fourteen years, I've been a proponent of and have invested my children's education and well-being in a predominantly white, affluent, and influential institution. I've done so wittingly exchanging the risks for the rewards that an elite K-12 education promises.
I am also a highly engaged and vigilant momma of two beautiful human beings: a daughter (class of 2019), and a son (class of 2022) that continuously advocates on their behalf. Along with other Black and brown children, they continue to be RIISE's (https://4RIISE.org) calling that meets at the intersection of race and education. I juggle both a sense of pride & guilt as an independent school parent.
As I sit here in between the tension, I am witness to continuous & damning testimony of Black students, and I am overwhelmed by it all. I am overwhelmed by the mounting evidence of emotional violence that exists behind the veneer of safety offered by private independent schools. I sit in tension over the conflict that exists when RIISE encourages independent school education and, in the same breath, warns buyers to beware. I am disheartened by the obstacles that persist in abolishing racial & educational injustice.
Our Black students, faculty, and staff have the most significant proximity to the everyday intersectional challenges that can occur in the classroom, hallways, cafeteria, the stage, sports teams, and at social events. The racial socialization, the micro-macro cues/aggressions, the potential for emotional violence, and marginalization are as real as the privileges of attending and working in indy schools.
Our resilience has been credited to two phenomena, a double consciousness, and the mask we wear. But, something else is going on here, another phenomenon.
Social distancing has removed the veneer and offered a safer space for our Black alum and students to tell their stories of racism, and they're giving names, and showing receipts. Blacks@(School) are demonstrating the power of vulnerability and resistance. Black Students Demanding Change @BSDCNYC are plotting, planning, strategizing, organizing, and mobilizing (the blueprint for social change as shared by Killer Mike), with the full intention not to wait for change to happen. While schools ask us to be flexible about what school may look like in the fall, they and other courageous students have sparked a revolution. It is going to be a sweltering July & August.
Parents and guardians of Black independent school students we must:
Take a step back and look at the whole picture, which can be hard to see when posing for it. It is undeniable, the system that independent schools operate within centers whiteness -curriculum, culture, parents, educators, & students.
It is our job, consuming as it may be, to keep our eyes, ears, and noses wide open, particularly when we feel it's unnecessary. We do not have the privilege of cognitive dissonance as do our white peers.
Encourage dialogue with students and LISTEN. Younger students are still developing the language to describe their experiences. Older students may not speak up because they recognize the privilege of attending an independent school. Don't pull out a copy of How to Win Friends & Influence People like I regrettably did when my daughter was in 4th grade!
We must show up, speak up, and advocate for our children and ourselves. We need to do a better job of navigating and disrupting the intersections of race, economics, and education that can cause harm. I recall a Black parent saying they had no desire to be the moral compass for their school. I don't agree.
Let students lead. And stand in support, offering guidance to students not fear as they (we) hold our schools accountable for not harming black students and others that are marginalized.
Encourage students to practice self-care as they struggle to win. This may be as simple as mindfulness, meditation, yoga, a brisk walk, venting without judgment, seeking professional help. We should be open to the benefits of a life coach or therapist (school therapists may or may not be ideal-be discerning) to help negotiate these communities.
Parents, we can join this revolution with constructive critique (which has its loving properties) by activating networks to help our alum and students achieve the demands we all seek for safer independent school communities. Protest can manifest itself in many ways to affect change.
Choose your protest. It will be uncomfortable. It is supposed to be. Yet, this is how change happens. As we've seen with COVID, schools can be flexible and pivot in an instant. We want to see that same energy with anti-racist teaching and environments. Some schools are responding earnestly; many are still stumbling. Register here for this discussion on July 1.
The simple truth is that there will be wins and losses as Dena Simmons conveyed in conversation with us at the start of 2020’s RIISE Parent Power Conference on May 30. As engaged parents of black students at independent schools, our job is to help ensure there are more wins than losses.