Belonging: A Two Way Street | Guest Blog by Naledi Semela
Belonging: A Two Way Street
From Cornell's Diversity and Inclusion web page: Belonging is the feeling of security and support when there is a sense of acceptance, inclusion, and identity for a member of a certain group. It is when an individual can bring their authentic self…
I first joined an independent school community in the fall of 2000, a seventh grader right in the middle of one of my awkward stages. I often look at my portrait from picture day. I'm wearing a dark blue shirt with a single yellow stripe down the sleeves, probably Old Navy or Gap, nothing particularly stylish. But it matches my NY Yankees fitted cap, which I wore backward, covering my overgrown hair. Then there's the dog tag hanging around my neck, a trinket from a day at the Intrepid museum spent with my neighbor and his dad. I'm not scowling, but I'm not exactly smiling either.
If you had asked me about belonging then, I'd probably have said, "Yes, I belong! I worked hard to get here. So hard!" I had just completed fourteen grueling months of Prep for Prep, an achievement program that helps place and prepares students of color from low-income backgrounds in the country's top independent schools. After that bootcamp-like experience, I had earned the right to commute three hours daily to be a classmate of some of New York's liberal elite—actors, artists, brokers, and heirs who sought an education for their children grounded in Quaker values that would also produce a top-tier college list.
It took me a while to adjust to the culture at my new school back then, but once I did, I developed a different perspective on that word: belonging. Once I found my footing, and still armed with the confidence that I belonged everywhere, the only question was: what was I prepared to do with the opportunity in front of me. I had to take ownership of my experience. Being a Black kid from Queens, on financial aid, and being a middle school enrollee, I wouldn't have said that the school belonged to me, but I'd say that I carved out a space that certainly did. A space in my friend group, a space in leadership of student groups, a space on the basketball team, dibs on my favorite seat in the cafeteria—my six years at the school belonged to me!
When we talk about diversity, equity, inclusion, and belonging in school, only one of those words can be read as a noun or as a verb. Diversity is a fact demonstrable by numbers. Equity is a pursuit married to the will and the skill of meeting every student's needs. Inclusion is the school's effort to make space in every aspect of the life of the institution. Belonging is the result of those efforts, a partnership between school and student to live that full life and not be held back for any reason. When I look at that seventh grade picture day photo, I see a kid unsure of his place, hopeful that he'll figure it out. When I look at any photo of myself in my senior year, I see a young man fully in his element, so comfortable in his place, one who belongs and whose school life belongs to him.
Today, as an administrator, when I look for belonging at the school where I work, I have my eye out for those examples of students from all walks of life grabbing their own experience by the reins. I look for students who start clubs and recruit their peers to follow their lead. I look for teammates who lead the way in the field of play, with or without the designation of captain. I look for evidence of happiness, of comfort, of agency. I look for fully realized, unabashed smiles—the kind where all your teeth are showing, and you know your friend would alert you if there were spinach or a poppyseed between them. Ask me for examples of belonging in action, and I'll point you to a middle school student who doesn't ask, "can I start a monthly periodical and distribute it to the faculty and students?" but rather tells us, "I am starting a monthly periodical that will go out to all faculty and students; can you please help me with the logistics?"
Last month, I got an email from a middle school student who did just that. The invitation was short and sweet:
Dear Mr. Semela,
I wanted to know if I could interview you for the January issue of the Monthly Panther. The reason why is that people are interested in you and what you do as the director of equitable practice and social impact in the Browning community. If so, then can we do it on zoom before 1/14/22, please? Thank you, and have a great rest of your winter break!
There's no question that this student belongs at the school; there's no question this project belongs to the student, and there is nothing that is going to get in his way. That, friends, is why we are here.
Naledi Sean Semela is the Director of Equitable Practices and Social Impact at the Browning School, where he oversees the school’s diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) efforts as well as student and family volunteering. He offers consulting and coaching to various schools and nonprofit organizations through Naledi Strategies, LLC.
**Correction - this post is featured in a RIISE newsletter with incorrect spelling of Naledi’s last name which should read Semela not Selema.